She tried so hard to just push those thoughts aside. But that was beginning to become an everyday battle. She just needed God so much, yet she could almost feel Him slipping through her fingers. The problem was she couldn’t figure out how to bring Him back. Church and praying was beginning to seem more like a routine to her rather than a chance to be with the Lord. Then a horrid thought crossd her mind, If God doesn’t care as much, then who will?

She almost screamed in rage at that thought. She knew it was the devil trying to take advantage of her in this vulnerable state, and she knew that God cared more than anyone or anything. But she knew a lot of things. Feelings. She didn’t feel it anymore. She just believes it because she knows it’s true, and because she used to feel it. But right now she’d never felt more numb. It was like her heart was ripping in two different directions; one holding on to God, the other not believing something it doesn’t feel. She hated admitting this, even to herself.