Wow, expressing what I needed to in the space I had was difficult. I really hope this conveyed enough of the emotion and tone.

This did indeed convey emotion and tone, however I’m a little confused by the last paragraph.

this was awesome! I like the star metaphors, and I feel for both of them! Such a sad moment!

hopeful, nervous, and expecting all at once, crumpled. wow i never heard of a face crumpling that is awesome

This part gave me chills: “He was a star imploding upon himself[…]” Very moving piece. Normally I read stuff written from the POV of a heartbroken person – it was interesting to read something from the other perspective.

Concise and clear, and not melodramatic. Brilliantly done.

This is the literary edition of that poor guy who proposed to his girlfriend on the court at a basketball game and had her walk away from him. Talk about humiliation.

You communicated very well the awful horror of the situation. Good work.