reading your story and your profile I must say, very funny and very much like me and my sense of humor. BUT , I thought too much was crammed in a short space. Space out the descriptions and close with the same last line and it would be better. Strictly my opinion, do what you will. I did like the opening with the description of the lipstick on the sippy hole very much. lots of potential here. Great voice.

Strong hook here, setting up a great mystery. I’m guessing the lead investigator, from whose POV this is told, knew Millicent/Cleo personally?

I thought the first paragraph was a little confusing, and a few too many commas. The second paragraph should be broken into sentences. Story idea was very good, just need to clean it up. Good luck.

I think this is a great mystery setting with someone getting the wrong coffee cup. I have to agree with the other comments that this was a bit hard to follow. The problem is the last sentence. Like most run-on sentences, it creates confusion for the reader. There were 3 separate thoughts shoved in that one sentence: The describtion of the cup, the description of millicent, and the description of the police tape on the side walk.

i must concur, this was a bit confusing throughout, but i got the jist of it. the last line isn’t horrible, you put some good descriptions in, it’s just that you need to seperate them.
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