At four in the morning, I decided I was tired of my cactus. I mean, it played checkers with the blind kid all night long, and everyone knows how annoying that can be.

As an immediate act of war, I grabbed the jar of chunky peanut butter by my bed. I keep it there in case of emergency, and boy did it come in handy this time.

Unfortunately, the cactus saw this coming. Dodging ninja star-like checkers flying through the air, I swiftly jumped behind the confused llama that occasionally wanders through my room. The jar of peanut butter caught the checkers, and it was quickly discarded.

Some ingenuity and creativity with a rubber band, piece of yarn, and pocket lint brought my foe to the ground. Unfortunately, just when i thought I had won, the plague of angry caramel candies defended the fallen cactus’s honor.

Surrounded, outnumbered, and sick to my stomach, (you can only eat so many candies you know), I thought that I had lost.

Then… I remembered passing out… and got up to find some aspirin.