To be honest, I didn’t like most of this, but I did like the ending: “As she looked into his eyes, the music seemed to fade away.” Start from that thought and then re-write. Don’t you agree? The rest of it was too much of a “build-up”

I have to agree. Just a little too much background for such a short story. Otherwise it has a lot of potential.

I’ll try a re-write.

Thanks for the feedback!