i dont think could be anymore cliche if you plagarized out of penthouse forum
i rate it negative five stars for lack of plot originality and just any artistic merit whatsoever

Yeah, I have to agree, it needs more reason. If I wanted to read about just sex I would have gone to nifty.org or something. The skill is there, just not the imagination.

Interesting comments, and thanks for your honesty. I use this site to explore writing and sometimes that means just writing what’s in my mind at the time, to see if I can bring it across. Clearly this did not work, I will have a re-think…

I’ve said this before: You are a master at capturing and describing a moment in time. And this ficlet is no exception.
However, unlike most of your other ficlets, this one jumped straight into the action. It contained no subtleties, social nuances or apprehensions on the part of the people involved. An analogy of this would be: It’s the difference between describing a race vs describing the running. This ficlet described the running.

Well, thanks Krulltar – clearly you get what I was going for, so perhaps it is not a wasted attempt, just another one to chalk up to “can’t please everyone all the time’.

damn maleghast you are a thick skinned son of a bitch..i would have called me so many names i would have to whipp my ass…so that gave me some respect for you, the only reason i always have these comments is that my favorite writers are miller, and vonnegut they could write a 50,000 word novel about a guy with a two inch penis and erectile disfunction and it would still be hot. you have all the skills to do that too.. but you dont.