I dropped the gummy worms and sprinted outside, only pausing slightly to motion the doors open as if I were Qui-Gon Jinn.

Luckily, I reached the adolescent siren before she was able to disappear. I motioned crazily while she rolled down the window. She gave me an impatient, slightly judgmental once-over.

“I’ve wanted to ask this question for at least the last year,” I said, still panting. “Tell me, why your ass is so cheery?”

She grimaced, assuming I was a simple nuisance. If only she knew.

“I’m an amputee Gawdammit! Let me drive home and enjoy my purchases.”

“Ordinarily, I’d say that’s impressive, the whole amputee thing, but your ass labels you as cheery. I can’t let this go. Why is it so important for us to know your ass is cheery? I mean it’s kinda nuts. I know a girl who has a juicy ass, as per her shorts, but this is my first cheery ass. I have to be honest. I don’t know quite how to proceed.”

“If you don’t move your foot I’ll drive over it,” she said.

I smiled, knowing I’d already won.