I need to fire my narrator. His story is way too boring; nothing ever happens. I need to climb inside my head and serve him walking papers. “Good job to this point, but I think we need to move in a different direction.â€?

“It’s not my fault your life sucks. You make all the decisions; I just do the play-by-play. If anybody has the right to complain, it’s me.”

“Consider yourself evicted.”

“I won’t leave.”

“What if I could promise you a better gig? John Malkovich? Jack Black? John Cusack? That’s some prime real estate there – very thoughtful, very analytical.”

“I’ll take my chances here.”

How is it that I know the conversation will turn out this way? My narrator tells me. In between encouraging me to pick a fight… Did that guy just mad dog you? Slap that trick. And assuring me I’d lose the fight. You wouldn’t last ten seconds.

I climb back inside my head. “Are you trying to get me killed?”

“You said you needed some excitement.”

“Bring it on, bitch!”

“I won’t lie. This is gonna hurt a little.”