nice imagery in the first paragrahph, Yes, very random, but I liked it.

I agree, great first paragraph. I love this, nice work.

Really good job bro.

Though I still say I’d kill for your job, and if you’d ever had a retail job you’d appreciate that one more.

But great stuff anyway you’re very good with imagery and metaphors and the like.

awesomeness! Dont worry, randomality rules

Now this is how I like to read my opening line:

“All of time, all of existence, had come to a screeching, grinding halt”

How can you not read on and then enjoy the rest of this! Well done, my friend – well done!