wwwwoooooooooeeeeeee
this was like deep and creepy and scary an wooooooooooooooooeeee
9starz

i give it nine more starz

Thank you!
The “stranger next door” is a sure bet. The point his giving him the right sinister agenda

very nice! very creepy new guy on the block, did not expect that twist! sinister, yes, it is!

I just thought that the best thing to do, when trying to hide something that should be obvious, it’s placing it in plain sight, just “muffling out” things

I like the twist-didn’t see it coming at all-but the pacing before it feels off. You’ve got him saying “Please, keep talkingâ€? one moment, and then just one paragraph later he’s “taking the old maid out.” It’s like, which is it? Is he having a nice chat with her, or is he trying to get her to leave? IMHO , the whole scene (from part 1 to 2) would work better if he was nervously trying to get her out the whole time, but has to talk to her a little so as not to seem too suspicious.

P.S. As a huge fan of using hyphens to separate closely related independent clauses from the rest of a sentence, can I just say how much I hate that ficlets formats “dash blah blah dash” as strikethrough text. I mean really.

I’ll note down your suggestions for later use, thanks. So, for the format I’ll put your kind advices to fruitions.
As for the pacing, it’s like I told to Eisha: he’s not trying anything in particular, only he’s a regular creep. He has a chat with the old woman, he gets annoyed and ends the conversation after some idling, just like every good guy that grows bored.
Having a captive hostage in the next door doesn’t bother him at all, it’s like having a box full of stuff, or a noisy kitten