I smiled, and nodded, which was completely unecessary considering that I was on the phone. She was right, there was no point to this call, and I was not quite drunk enough to admit that I had just wanted to hear her voice.

“I’m sorry, Sara. I’ve had a few drinks… I should not have called.”

I heard her sigh; I could see the look on her face in my mind’s eye.

“It’s ok, Ethan, but I thought that we went over all of this the other week? I’m with Jason now, and while it’s true that what we had was very special, you have to let me go. I can’t keep getting these phonecalls at one in the morning, ok?”

“Sure, I’m sorry. Goodnight”

I hung up before she could say anything and then, of course, I threw the phone at the couch, not because I was angry with her per se, but because I was angry with the world, the situation, everything. I had pushed her away with my guilt so she pushed me away to protect herself from the poison I was feeding her instead of the love I should have given her. If only I could change things.