“Getting trashed doesn’t make stepping in dog poop someone else’s fault.”

“Dudes! I just wasted 30,000 feet of caution tape!”

“That’s ‘cause your toes got stuck under the dresser.”

“It gives me the strength of a puma!”

“We have all these pink roses and nothing we can use them for!”

“Don’t be afraid of the tomatoes.”

“Where is my list of ugly people?”

“Every day I just have to go poo, ‘cause I eat!” (my son informed me) I found the rest online. :P

My favorite marquee: “If you come home dog tired, maybe it’s because you growled all day.”