I lay here alone, new cuts on my wrists, alive only due to too much coffee and the razor next to the fifth empty mug on my bedside table.Chills shake through my body, reminding me that I can still feel.Another straight incision down the length of my arm until I learn to stop the pain.
I need him?Who was I kidding?I can’t even distinguish between my own lies and the truth anymore.I’m back to feeling cold,empty,and hopeless.He lied to me again,but was I expecting anything different?
I had a moment of weakness was all,I was confused and had nothing else to explain away my want to speak to him.All I needed was for someone to understand.But he can’t. Hell, I don’t even know what is wrong with me.How could I expect him to?
He was right; I have changed a lot. I’ve lost my belief in God, or maybe its just that my views of him have changed; I no longer think that he’s here to make my life worth living, because as of now, it isn’t.
I guess that all I’m doing now is waiting for something worse to happen.