Spencer shook my shoulders. “Stop doing that!â€? he yelled in my face and I stared at him, asking what. “Stop drifting off like that! It’s freaking me out! And your face …â€? his voice trailed off.

“What?â€? I whispered.

“It looks like you’re tormenting yourself.â€? Uh yeah, about that. I shook my head and turned away from him. He would never understand the extent to how much I hated myself because of what happened to Abby. Everything that happened was my fault and I really didn’t have a reason.

All I had was my pain. It was the kind that shuts you up on the outside but you’re screaming like a mad man on the inside. The kind that makes you hate yourself more and more everyday because of a mistake. The kind that makes you regret everything you ever did, ever said. That’s why I stopped talking.

Because maybe, just maybe, if I didn’t speak anymore I couldn’t mess anything else up or take any more lives. But that’s only a maybe.