nice story—it is interesting how it went from 3rd person to 1st person. While some people believe that a story should be written in a single person, I think it is captivating when more than one viewpoints are shown. i hope you continue on with this story and explain who all these characters are. what are they’re stories? and what is that girl’s name? what is the mood? maybe someone else will continue on with this story and set it off in a whole new direction. Indeed, let the creative mind run free! ciao.

Straight-forward and has a cute sort of young-crush feel to it all.

I love the vibes this story gives off. However, you could make it a bit more clear who the characters are and what they are like. I have some trouble understanding that part.

Thank you for your comments. Originally I wrote these under a strict requirement of 100 words per ‘moment’—I’d love to hear some ideas as to who these people might be, as I never got as far as to flesh them out beyond what you see here.