Hmmm…. I find myself liking this for some reason. Why, I’m not sure… There’s a lot of emotion in this, but it’s not directed or coherent. In fact, there’s so much emotion in it that I don’t even understand it. Try taking one line – like “why are you set to steal what I have?” and making that a ficlet. What’s cool about this is that each line is a separate ficlet for the taking. Make it make sense and you’ve got a brilliant piece. Know what I’m sayin’?

agree with yoda. nice one.

Quite good actually. I know there is some song influence in this, unintentional or otherwise haha. I like the last three lines the best :)

Short, sweet, to the point; yet, leaves room for the reader to imagine and wonder- who, when & where?. It takes confidence to write something short because people have patience to pick at your work more. Bon!

mystiquee

I know exactly what this is supposed to mean, but that’s cuz i know you :)

I love it!!! it is vague enough that many people can relate to it because they can give there own meaning to it but yet it is full of emotion. and I like the “cover up with makeup” line because i was thinking about writing something like that