“So the chick in the dress is actually a dude, and the dude in a dress is actually a chick. Any questions?”

“So I was like “Oh my god” and she was like “Help it won’t stop bleeding” and they were like “Well put something on it” and we were like, “Quit waving it around it’ll only make it worse” and it was like, cool.”

And that was when the cake popped out of the stripper.

“I’d look prettier than you even if you were a festering corpse.” “Well, duh…”

“I like to dance in the rain wearing nothing but an old shower curtain and a tea cozy.” “That’s… nice, but I asked what your previous job experience was.” “I know.”

“Jellyfish make everything better.”

“Enough talking. There’s only enough bullets left to take out one mutant tiger-rhinoceros crossbreed and I want to be home in time for my soaps.”