I looked again, trying to see something that in my heart I knew I would never see again. There is no way to describe the moment when you cannot be sure that the person you love is lying dead in front of you; just on the other side of a window, and just for a moment you cannot quite tell if it really is them. There is no spark there, no humanity left, all that is there is flesh and bone, no life at all.

Dwight had just popped out to meet an old friend from university at a bar, there had been nothing special about his plans. We had both gone out for similarly unremarkable evenings without one another. That is what couples do sometimes, no one can spend all of their time with another person.

As I stared at his body lying there, my hand cold against the glass, all I could think was that he might still have been alive if just that one time I had been a little more clingy, a little more needy and even a little jealous and had imposed my presence on the proceedings. I knew it and I could not forgive myself at all.