Your nation will be next. All your base are belong to us. They have bugs, you know, hideous things on six legs they put in the phone lines and drinking water. They get inside your ears and listen to your brain; they collect your neurotransmitters and send them to the capitol, where professional chefs with cooking shows taste-test them and derive the recipe for your soul.

There is hope: the resistance sends coded messages on unused frequencies. Turn on your stereo – analog, it won’t work with a digital receiver – turn the dial until it is between stations. Connect a cassette recorder and hit “record.” Let it run until the tape is filled and then connect the first recorder to another recorder and copy the tape at half-speed, slowing down the transmission. The resistance uses Morse code, the real Morse code, not the one Samuel F.B. released to throw the hellhounds off his trail. I have a decoder ring I got from DARPA , but you have to prove you’re worthy before I share more.

Shh. Don’t tell.