I deem that was the mantra thatkept me going,eventhough the past few weeks had been especially hard.And they didn’t seem to be getting much better,either.In fact,they were only headed for worse.There was no more singing in the house,no more rainbows or sunshine.We hadn’t gone to church ina month.I felt like I couldn’t even tell January everything that had been going on.Theonly words I could force myself to say were,”Things are different now. They’ve always been different, but now things aren’t the comfortable, happy, contented different thatcould reside peacefully.Everything feels torn and broken. I want my father back.I want my sense of security back.And most of all,I want my faith back.I know it’s hard to understand,but you’re the best person I can talk about these things with.”And then January would nod her head,a thoughtful look upon her face.She knew.She didn’t know everything,but sheknew enough to be a source of reassurance and support.Yet at the same time,I felt bad for leaning on her like a crutch.