gripping…

Great job. For “constructive criticism” purposes:
1) You have “Evangeline” spelled with an extra “g” in paragraph 2.
2) In paragraph 1: “on the underground” suggests a place, “in the underground” would refer to a secret organization; I suspect you mean the latter, but I’m not sure.
3) A friend once advised me to “watch my thats.” You seem to have a similar issue. “That” is often overused and can frequently be left out (this often improves flow). I think you have a few you might get rid of.
Keep writing!

Dangit… typos for the first one…. time to edit…

it’s fixed…. I think.

Looking back at your piece again, I think it’s only the “that” in the last sentence of the first paragraph. It can go. But it’s the only one, I think. Sorry. My brain must have straying.
4) “she was literally on her knees.” Capitalize the “s,” consider striking “literally” (it’s an overused word that doesn’t mean anything in your sentence), and consider merging it with the sentence that follows it.
Hope that helps! And if it doesn’t, remember: I’m just some jerk on the internet who you can ignore! :)

Looks like you already fixed the “s.” The wonders of the interwebs!

Yeah, but there goes my nirvana. WAH ! lol just kidding.

:)
The way the bean-counter works, you can hit nirvana with well-placed bold/italic formatting. Maybe someone should see if they can achieve nirvana with a one-sentence ficlet.

I really loved this passage. It’s sad, intense, but also beautiful in it’s own way. It’s a nice piece for sequels or prequels too ;)

I’ll do the one sentence ficlet!