hahaha… Someone in this story has a definite phalic-fetish!! LOL
Love the names: Might I suggest having a Offensive-Linesmen called Anatoli Whobityourcockoff?

Very arbitrary, but entertaining nevertheless.

Very bizarre tale, but entertaining.

Tremendous suggestion ALRO613 and might I add another perfect name. It’s all about how it rolls off the tongue.

Very cheeky, though it winds up veering a bit low-brow with all the cock jokes.