Seriously? This is what the job entails? Following around a little kid?

You make it sound wrong when you say it.

You don’t think it’s wrong on some level?

Not particularly, no.

But she’s just a little girl!

That’s kind of what we do here. They have to be little kids. Come on! This was in the ad. Don’t act all surprised now.

I thought it might be a misprint or something.

It wasn’t. Look, are you interested in this or not? I’ve got four more applicants that would love this job.

No, no. I’m interested. Tell me about the other part.

Oh! This is where the position shines. You only have to work a few days a month. But when you do! Throwing things, moving things. Rearranging the furniture when nobody is looking. Shining lights through windows. That’s the good stuff!

Hmm. That does sound pretty good. Anything bad I should know about?

Well, there’s the priests…

Oh man. Them, huh?

Yeah. They’re pretty much everywhere these days.

I guess I’ll take it. It’s gotta be better than the graveyard shift.