awesome! need to work on the random tidbits of foreshadowing… it’s kind of awkward… hmm, how to fix it though? and great job editing the last one, you’ll get the hang of paragraphs yet! :P this was great with the elephant metaphor and all… andthe someday we would is the best foreshadowing I think you have. The other stuff, skip it for the reader, surprise us with it when the time comes!
Mistress Elsha Hawk