hmm, and what would be the consequences in the immortal world for the mortals finding out? :P
And is Jaime just mean or an enemy like a demon in disguise?
Nice job! Some spaces between paragraphs or ideas would really help the reader.

The last line really ties it together in a neat little bow! You could take this piece somewhere, maybe your first series?
Oh and giving each dialouge piece its own line might help with the flow!

thnks so much