How I eat brains

It isn’t like peeling an orange. It isn’t like popping a walnut. Skulls are harder than you’ll imagine.

Now, I’ve seen zombies using anything from rocks to axes to curb-stomping to break a skull. The problem with all these methods is that in the process, you’re sure to drive bits and pieces of skull and dura mater into the soft cerebellum. This leads to nasty little bits of grit and bone in your meal, and since your teeth are probably already starting to rot into nothingness, the last thing you want is a chipped molar.

That’s why a proper zombie chef always makes sure to have a skull saw on hand. I prefer the hand-cranked models, since they still work following the collapse of human civilization. Be sure to let the blades dig in deep, and don’t be afraid to really push down.

Next up on “graaghd eats” – how to remove the brain in one piece without breaking it, and after that, I’ll show you how to use eyes and teeth to make an attractive garnish.

This is aargltonbrown, for the zombie food network.

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