I wish I could have told him while I had the chance. Told him how much he means to me, how much he’s done for me, and how much I need him. Though I couldn’t have known how much I would need him.

Since he’s been gone, I’ve been living my life in third person, watching everything from an outsider’s point of view. I see myself waking, going to school, studying, lying awake for hours. I see myself going the funeral, I see myself crying. I see myself standing on the overpass. But as I see myself, I see him as well. He is always with me, watching from the shadows.

When I wake, he opens the blinds to let the sun in. When I go to school, he sits on the windowsill, looking out at the sky. When I do homework, he sits on my bed and reads my school books. When I lie awake, he lies next to me, holding me in his arms. At the funeral, he holds my hand as his coffin is lowered into the grave. And as I stand on the overpass, he guides me back over the rail and walks me home.

I know he will always be with me.