I’m going to make this into a sequel. So be prepared to read more. :)

I’m going to make this into a sequel. So be prepared to read more. :)

I’m going to make this into a sequel. So be prepared to read more. :)

Your story is fine, but the structure could be better. In your first sentence is reads like you are walking beside the horse instead of riding it.

Much better. And you’re welcome.