There’s nothing wrong with your writing, but as for me there’s not enough of a hook. I don’t know if this is a love story, mystery, science fiction, or something else.

this is becoming just creepy, I mean, I KNOW what’s going on and I want to scream, NO, don’t listen to him! yet, I know nothing about him, he might be an alright guy, and it might work out. It’s just eerie to think of. You know?