ATTENTION READERS !!!
This is my first of a new series.. I was going to start publishing a series of stories of my life and how i became crippleded and such but i decided to just start off simple and clean. I’m big with mispelling words so let me know! Find back is always welcome. I hope you enjoy my writing.
– DancingTrumpet 20 :D

Well I have many things to say so I’ll try to put them in some type of order…
1) “just made you jump up and gasp for air?
” I want to say that it should say just makes you… but I’m not sure
2) I like it. As people like to say, its got a good stream of conscious feel to it (if you don’t understand that ask me later). I really do like the flow, very nice for a first ficlet.
3) You did pretty good with the spelling. One thing tho, in ur comment “Find back is always welcome” it should be Feed back.

4) You missed a capitalization in the 5th section from the bottom.
5) You should spend more time outside tanning if its gonna produce stuff like this.
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They rest of the stuff I want to tell you I’m sending in a note. Remember I’m only going to be real nit picky cuz I love you and I want you to be better. I hope ur the same way with me :)