she needs some mad ninja skills right about now! lol
small typo in third to last line, I think you forgot the word ‘was’. :)
and why is always more than one man? geez, it must be some kind of sick game!

‘hiperventilating’ = “Hyperventilating” .
But great story here.
I especially enjoy the last two lines of the story. Great rapid-fire sentence usage that bring about a good sense of tension.
Keep it up.. and continue the story.. I’d like to read more.

I agree with ALRO about the tension. This kind of story like increases your heart rate … lol … great job :]

This could use a little editing, but all in all it was pretty well done.