Probably inspired by Paycheck by Philp K. Dick. I have an idea where to take it that I hope will be original, but feel free to sequel, et cetera.

Neat idea and a well-laid out scene. Though a few typo sort of things get in the way a bit. Not sure what you meant in the sentence that starts, “Bill parsed this last…”

Good writing. Building up suspense. Can’t wait for sequel.

Ooooh. These shops are dangerous. Terry Pratchett taught me that.

Well… and D&D.

4.5 stars. Dialogue is good, but I think it’s more than a conjunction missing in the sentence that Bill is parsing.

hmm, what could Bill want? :) great idea for a story, and great set-up!