well… umm i dont really know what to say..
I think the best part of this was the interesting way you wrote it… which i hope isnt how you normally write… the ending is bad and good at teh same time… its poetic but then its just bad tooo. It all depends on if your glass is half empty or half full.

I have to agree with N555 . The story is too choppy, there is no Flow to it. It sounds more like an outline for a story.