I like it! Lol, so simple of me but still, I do.

These sound like lyrics, but that should hardly be surprising since that’s where most of us get out poetry these days.

And not to be mean, but…it should be “you’re,” not “your” (a contraction of “you are,” not the possessive of “you”) in a couple of places. I know your intent is to convey your feelings to the reader and not to display your grammatical prowess, but I find things like that distracting (speaking only for myself, of course).

All that said, it’s good. A little rough, but evocative.

i really like this.