I’m never really sure on how to express character’s thoughts in narrative. I’ve seen it done a few different ways over the years, and settled for the ‘thought’ method.
Dialogue also takes some work. I get the initial idea down first, then go back, and re edit it for speech patterns and a character’s, well, character. Would they say that this way, would the know a word?
and, lastly, I try to keep modern references out, which can slip in unnoticed, as they would in everyday conversation.
Asquialin