I’ve come to feel that New Me isn’t as smart as I originally thought. New Me is kicking Real Me’s proverbial ass.

for example: at the end of date number two, she flashes me that coma-inducing smile and says, “so… where are you at with all of this? you wanna do this again, or…?”

Real Me thinks: “oh GOD yes! YES !! let’s do it all over again RIGHT NOW ! never will there ever, EVER be anyone else who is so fucking perfect for me except YOU ! EVER! EVER EVER AGAIN I LOVE YOU DON ’T LEAVE ME !!!”

New Me thinks “don’t you DARE . don’t you DARE say it, motherfucker, just stay calm. remember the fortified insta-wall we built for you LAST TIME ? well, go and get it, ‘cuz you KNOW how this is going to end.”

so stupid-ass New Me shrugs and says, “sure… we could do it again.”

now it’s 6 days later and my life is looking like the latest Charlie Kaufman movie – you know: the one no one can pronounce – and the reason is clearly because she thought I “Just Wasn’t That Into Her.”

Real Me hates New Me.