I’m obsessed.
Where is this coming from?
I don’t know her, not REALLY , and yet…
Why can’t I simply let myself stand aside and watch, observe?
Who COULD let themselves love someone as desperate as I’m feeling?
And why am I feeling desperate at all?
She’s not magical.
Not particularly good-looking, even.
Sure she’s funny, smart, and quirky, but… she’s also awkward, aloof, and a little overweight.
All in all, I know I could “do better.”
Yet I don’t want to, and even when I know I’ve got more dates with new people coming up this week, I’d rather cancel them all just to be with her.
Just to be able to spend time with her, and try to open her up a little…
What’s making me crazy is the fact that she’s closed so tight I can’t even wedge a fingernail into the crack.
That she’s resisting me.
That she’s rejecting me by being so careful with her heart.
That she actually has a higher level of self-worth than I do, and so recognizes her inherent value.
Why can’t I love me like she loves herself?