Random, urgent-sounding Morse Code

Ladies and gentlemen, we bring you these breaking results. After we announce them, someone needs to fix them.

For best satire of a “useful product” commercial with the potential of actually being useful…
Lubricat-All, Mistress Elsha

For appealing to this announcer’s need to freeze time while doing a research paper…
Uni-Mote, NightMaiden

For absolute weirdest commercial (and best side effects)...
Gavolopherine X, ALRO613

And…

For the commercial illustrating how fun it can be to make fun of infomercials…
An Infomercial, OrangeOreos

Thank you for tuning in to these latest results. We’ll get back to you with the earliest results…
...After seventeen message from our sponsers.