October… sadness, grief, searching, despair, hope, loss, colors and other things. Calm. The silence before the storm that is November.

October… laughter. Skipping along, holding hands. Raking. Leaf-jumping. Kisses. Playing in the blankets… alive.

October. The month that contradicts all that I am feeling right now. The month that rejects and welcomes me all at once. The month of utter confusion.

Halloween… and I am lost in the costumes, in the frolicking and screaming. Who am I? What does it all mean?

November…the storm hits. It’s impact sends me reeling and I am tumbling through the air, all control lost. Your fingers are the only string holding me to reality. And I wonder how long I can hold on? How long before you let go…?

December… your grip tightens and I am strong again. And once more I am engulfed in the joy of October, but without the confusion. I am fully alive at last.

“And so it seems the only way to gain wisdom is to endure…”