hmm.. this got me thinking

Everyone has questions. One of mine: Why would such a loving and powerful God want to cause so much pain? I’m not going to say he will answer any of them, but maybe he will. You never know, especially when the thing you wonder about isn’t something you can physically touch. This didn’t help much… You can disregard this comment, if you feel so inclined to do so.

And, it’s a journey, Faith isn’t measured on a scale. Remember that, Camille. We are all at different places, different speeds, but no one is ahead or behind. We just cruise along, and stop sometimes, but you’re safe and not alone.

Have you considered that the lack of an answer, is the answer itself?
I can empathize with wishing for more faith. A little over a decade ago, I was in a bible study group in a great church, with fantastic people. I so badly wanted to belong, but it was clear that I wasn’t one of them. I tried to believe, really, truly tried. After a while, it just wasn’t worth the effort to lie to myself.
Good luck in your quest. I guarantee it will be a long journey, but if you’re true to yourself it will be worth it.