I find myself pulling away, from everything I love.
I just, want to get away.
I get this feeling,
that I want to drop everything and everyone…
and just leave.

I’m hurting.
I don’t know why.
I think I’m too good at hiding it.
I hide it from people
and then I wonder why no one sees.

I wish someone would see.
How stupid.
It would be so easy, to just say something.
To just stop pretending.

But I can’t.

This feeling.
This gut feeling.
I don’t know how to say it.

I want to throw up
I want to scream
I want to do something so crazy
so unreasonable
so stupid
so that people

so that people will notice.

So that they’ll stop ignoring me
so that they’ll stop giving me looks
so that they’ll stop talking behind my back
so that they’ll stop

See the problem is that I bury myself into a hole.
paint myself into a corner.
I get myself into these problems, situations
and then sit there feeling sorry for myself.

It’s pathetic. But I can’t stop.

I have no right to be like this.