Can’t go to sleep… can’t stop thinking… can’t stop wondering… can’t stop this useless, rambling, nonstop noise in my head. Can’t stop.

My mind has been going a hundred miles an hour all day… and I kind of want it to slow down now. I kind of wonder what it’s like to not think… to just hear nothing… to just feel… nothing. To be numb.

I wonder.

I can’t clear my head. It’s… beyond my capability.

I’m not sad. I’m actually, really happy. At least I think so. I have been happy all day. Smiley, happy, hugging, laughing.

And then… crying. I mean, what? But, I think I’m still happy. I don’t know… I can’t tell right now.

It’s too late. Too late.

But my mind won’t slow down enough for me to comprehend it. Thoughts and ideas are whirring by before I have time to understand, discern them.

Wondering…

Wondering if it really meant something. Really.

Wondering if I ruined it. Again.

Wondering what to do. Wondering if I will ever be better than this. Wondering if I want to.