My life spins. It always feels like I’m on a merry-go-round. When I look behind me I can see clearly, but the pull still makes me nauseous. Forward is just a whirlwind of fate and blurred vision. For a brief moment, right when it starts up again, I feel fearless. That rush of excitement that a little kid gets when they first learn to walk. It feels so good. I feel so good. I feel alive.

I wish I wanted to stay on the plastic, moving horse forever, I wish I had that type of lifestyle. I wish I didn’t get sick. I wish I didn’t want to get off. I wish I wasn’t so afraid of moving forward through the blurred vision.

But I get so tired. The spinning exhausts me. I get so angry, hurt, by a stupid moving horse. Why would you want to make me exhausted? I thought this ride was supposed to be fun.

I thought this merry-go-round was supposed to be fun.

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