NO. No part of it is fun, or right, or good.
I… don’t like getting crushed over and over and over. I don’t like doing that to myself.
Wanting something so bad…. I hate myself for it.
I hate making myself vulnerable to you. I hate that you can do this to me.
I hate that I want you to help me. I wish I could be like I used to be… just resenting any kind of help in any way.
Like I said, it’s just easier not to feel.
You have the ability to hurt me without trying… because of the stupid stories. Because you just can.
The stories… make everything harder.
The stories give me false hope.
Hope is good… but not for this.
Not at all.
The stories are what I wish for… the stories are what I know will never happen. The stories are just unreal.
I have to stop living in the stories now.
I hate being vulnerable. You make me vulnerable.
But I don’t hate you.
Maybe that would be easier.
But, I don’t.
I just… hate what you do to me.
I don’t want to be that kind of person.