It’s a promising effort, but you might consider going back through and reworking some of the grammar and spelling. (E.g. I’m not clear what’s happening in the first sentence; “what is your name in the sixth paragraph. There may be others.)
It’s decent, it just needs to be polished.
Hope that helps! (If not, I suck!)

It’s a shame you can’t edit comments: I left out a closing quotation mark in the first paragraph. Always a little embarrassing to have typos in a correction note.
:(

Evily….hmm…. try maniacally, it means the same but it more fun to say ^. it’s my word for the day anyway, thought i would share it with you. Expanded vocabularies make a big difference to the level of intrigue there is in a story. Otherwise, i like this a lot =].

It got my attention, but I think the beginning could be better.