I really liked the way this started. You had really strong characterizations among the three of them, and the rapid interplay was terrific! I just feel a little let down with the soapiness of the ending, from the point where Kate confronts Adam. Can we rework some of that to make it more subtextual?

Thanks for comments. One reason to post it was for help.

I liked the beginning better too. But, in the end, I feel I a need to explain Kate’s attraction to Adam and yet why she was not terribly distraught when he left.

If Joe doesn’t make a move on her by the end of the story, doesn’t he seem wimpy?

The ending has always been trouble for me; the director and the actors from the original could testify to that. Could you make a more specific suggestion?

I liked the beginning, but grew disinterested in the end. I would rather have had the couple work things out more efficiently.

I think that the problem is there is a bit of a point of view change right at about that point. It starts out as Joey’s story, as he desires Kate, but then it turns into her story and her desire to be independent of Adam. I think it should remain Joey’s story thoughout, and he should be more active in the resolution.

i agree that it started great and it got a little dramatic in the end…but i’m glad she broke up with adam, he was a jerk
can’t wait for the sequel!

Thank you all very much. This will be the next piece I re-revise.

Hmph, i don’t agree with any of those people. Baromero and Laine are more experience than i, but i don’t think that means their opinion is any more valid than mine. I know a good story when i read one. Granted, Kate’s reasoning for the mutual breakup was surprising but you had your reasons for it. I would have enjoyed a dramatic breakup where Adam leaves and Kate flees in a mess of conflicted feelings after Joe tries to comfort her, and i wouldn’t have minded a longer series, but it all ended well anyways.

I can’t wait for more! (Hope that you are planning to write more) I agree that the story should stay in Joe’s perspective, but nothing else. Show the whole thing still through Joe’s perception. I love it!! You are an awesome writer!!