I thought what I had done was what was best for every one. Now I lay awake at night sobbing into my pillow. Thinking of her. Hardly ever sleeping any more. I can still remember feeling her inside me, moving. Me dreaming of mothering this blissful angel.
Then the thoughts of what if i can’t do it. My finances are short and I am lacking on education. This is not the life I want for her. What was I thinking?!? I could have done it. Now instead of holding my little girl I cling to a stuffed animal and cry. My eyes are always blood shot, my voice raspy and my heart shattered.
How could I have done this. I hate, no, despise myself and everything about me. I was all she had, and I gave up on her. My brown eyed angel, forever only a memory, a pain inside me ever growing.
I wonder if my turmoil will ever cease. If I will ever escape these memories and pains that haunt me so desperately. Will I ever forgive myself….