Coment, cause I worked hard on it!

It is a good backgound to someone’s life but there is no real plot. Now if you were going to embelish and start talking more about Brendan and how his life falling apart caused something or other it would be great. But it isn’t a great place to start. I’d say write a sequal about Brandon.

Also kid dieing because of terminal illness is very overdone.

i really really like this story!!!! i think, although there isn’t much detail, it gives u all the detail u need to understand the story. i really like it. thats all i can think of to say. i mean there’s nothing wrong with it.

The last sentence was pretty good, and I’d call it the best part. It’s a good idea but I think that it’d be best as an actual book, not a short story, because in order to get the full meaning and emotion of it, you need a full plot and lots of details.