Go ahead and laugh, you heartless, cruel…human! How would you like it if your owner’s kids poured honey and black pepper all over you!

They took me to the vet and that bastard shaved all my beautiful fur off. Look at me. I’m ruined! And to top it all off, they put a little “poof” ball on the tip of my tail like some, some…poodle! I AM NOT A DOG , MORONS! That gorgeous Tabby across the street would probably die laughing if she saw me like this.

Oh, they will pay for this. Yes, they most certainly will pay. The wife ordered a blue satin dress with matching heels just yesterday. When they get here, that dress will be shredded and I’m spraying the heels. The husband, well, he’s going to get a hairball in each of his work boots and as he’s walking down the stairs for a late night snack, I’ll walk down beside him and dart under one of his feet. I can’t wait to hear him scream like a little girl as he tumbles down.

The kids, well, they will come to fear my Cat Ninja fighting technique.