Intriguing… I think your editing needs a bit of work though.

thats pretty smart. i have never thought of writing like that. and, wat fyora said about ur editing needing a lot of work, i don’t know what she means by that, but i think you did a good job. the only other thing i have to say about this is u could have put alot more into the story. like more knowledge. but thats just me. and if u’v seen or read my work, then u realize im no expert.

that’s a good point of view.
and sure you use the ficlet of mine wherever you want.